Friday, 21 September 2012

Missing My Little Man

Joseph has started crying when I leave him at pre-school. He goes in fine, he looks for his coat peg, puts his lunch bag on the trolly and runs to the door. Then when we get inside he clings to me and holds me so tight. If I try to move him even a little, he cries. I try to get him interested in the things around, the playdough table, the cars and garage, the train set (this one works best) and eventually he'll peal himself away from me and play. But he's constantly watching for me and doesn't want me to leave. If I do he cries again. His carer will take over and give him a cuddle, or sit him on her lap. I know by the time I've signed the register he'll have stopped crying, and usually by the time I've got outside and took a sneaky peak in the window he seems quite calm and happy. Then when I pick him up I'm always told that he has been fine all day, and he doesn't seem overly keen to go home, although he's obviously happy to see me.
The thing is, I'm going home and feeling down all day, today I've been worse than ever and I'm thinking I can't do this any more. What if he carries on doing this, do I have to go through this every day he's there. Can I take the heartbreak? If he was crying all day then it would be an easy decision to stop him going. Seeing him so calm before I've even left the premises tells me he's ok, but I'm not. I still can't help thinking he should be home with me. He's no trouble (mostly), I don't need this free time, I miss him so much. But he's having fun, mixing with other children and getting prepared for his school years. And it's only two and a half days a week.
Why is being a parent so hard?
Here is a little pic of him after pre-school yesterday, a little worn out.

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