The Terrible Two's

Don't you just love that toddler stage when they are hilarious one minute but throwing the tantrum of a lifetime the next...no? Just imagine the terrible two's in a six year old and there you have Lucy. I always thought I was so lucky because Lucy didn't have tantrums as a toddler. In fact I remember her very first tantrum which was because she didn't want to leave a fairground, she was about 3 1/2 yrs old. She only really had one or two more over the next year or so. So why now? I suppose it should be expected, isn't that what autistic kids do, have tantrums, play up, drive you nuts with their obsessiveness and continuous repetitive speach? Am I being made to pay for having an easy toddler? She was a difficult baby, constant crying and screaming, I never got any peace, but the toddler years were so nice. Even when her sister came along she took it fine, she didn't mind mummy spending so much time with the baby, she didn't seem bothered. Then Joseph came along and again, she didn't mind, it was like she didn't even acknowledge him for the first six months.
She went to nursery fine, everyone loved her, she had lots of friends. School became a little more difficult as she starting to seperate from her friends, preferring her own company. Things got tough at school but with working with her teacher, who has been great (she knew nothing about autism before she met Lucy but she's educated herself well now) we had got to the stage where Lucy was happy to go to school again, and has friends again. I get so much pleasure seeing her in the playground talking to her peers. But something isn't right. Her behaviour at home has got really bad, not only with the tantrums (we get the full throw herself on the floor and stamping of feet routines) but she's also very aggressive with her sister and with me, both physically and verbally. If Leila is upset or hurt and crying then Lucy cries along in a mocking way, it's so nasty, especially when it's Lucy that's made her cry in the first place. She's started waking up during the night a lot again, and she's up at 5am in the morning. She knows she's not supposed to get up until 6am and we got to a stage where she would read quietly until the clock said 6am, but now she's throwing things off her bed (Top bunk) and stamping her feet as well as moaning constantly, so I have no choice to get up with her or have her wake the whole family.
This morning I had the review letter from the occupational therapist we saw last month. I thought the meeting had gone well but even though Lucy was on her best behaviour (She even got undressed and dressed with no fuss all by herself....if only she would do that every day *sigh*) the letter points out so many problems that she needs help with. It's crazy I know, but I still think of her as 'normal' despite her diagnosis, and some days she really does seem like a normal little girl, so when I get it down in writing like this my heart sinks. Sometimes I feel like a 'fake' claiming to have a disabled child, but I think it's my own mind trying to trick me otherwise. Ok, she doesn't look different, and she can be really well behaved and so adorable at times, she can sometimes show empathy and compassion for others, and sometimes I get kisses and cuddles, everything you would expect from a six year old, I get sometimes. It's the times I don't that I hide away from.


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