I do not feel grief over my children's disabilities. I refuse to feel that sad over two beautiful and amazing children. I understand that their lives are going to be very different, that they will miss out on much of what is called 'normal' but they are here and they are mine and I will give them the very best they deserve.
I guess that's easy for me to say because my children are not severely disabled, they can walk and talk and mostly their disabilities are invisible. With the right help they could even live normal lives, school, relationships, jobs, they are all achievable.
Would I feel different if they were severely disabled, if their lives were more of a shell of what we consider a normal life? If they could not communicate, if they could not return my hard work with love and smiles? If each day was a struggle of survival?
I hope I would not feel differently, I hope I could still give them all I possibly could, make them comfortable and as happy as possible, and love them unconditionally no matter what. I hope I could leave the grief for when they would no longer be here rather than grieving for the lives they should have.
My cousin was born just a year after me to my mum's brother. She was born with Downs Syndrome. I grew up with her and treated her just like my other cousins even though she was a little rougher and didn't know when to stop. I don't see her often now but I've been in touch most of her life. I saw her a couple of weeks ago, she's now 45 years old. She looks well, she looks beautiful. She is happy, she has had a good life. She has had an education, many holidays, lots of friends, she has a much better social life than me. She has not had a lover, she has not had children, she has not had a 'real' job, she still lives at home and depends very much on her family. I think her family are amazing, they've done a wonderful job in giving this lady the best life she possibly could, they have always been positive, even when times were tough.
There is no time to grieve for the way things could have been. I will leave grief for after life has ended. It's hard enough to deal with then.
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