Friday, 24 August 2012

Apron Strings

Today my eldest has been talking about moving out. He's 24 years old and has Aspergers Syndrome.
He tells me that he feels like he's being left behind, he's too old to be living at home.
He asked me about his money, currently he's on DLA and Jobseekers Allowance. He's trying to figure out how he can afford to live by himself.
He has even made a list of all the things he will take in his bedroom and who gets what he leaves behind. He's quite a stash as he hoards things, but he's also very tidy and everything has it's place.
He said he can learn how to cook and do the washing. He already knows how to do housework (although he doesn't help out very often, his room is kept very clean.) Shopping, he says he can do online, then he can work out exactly how much he is spending and have it delivered. I can't remember the last time he went to a supermarket.
He has obviously been giving this a lot of thought and I don't know what to make of it. Part of me is saying, no way Jose, part of me is saying, it would do him good. I really don't think living alone would work, but maybe I could look into some kind of care in the community scheme? I don't think he is too old to be living at home and I'm happy to have him here. He's currently doing a part time course in accountancy, maybe he could find a job first. He has done voluntary work and work experience so I know if he found the right job it could be good for him. He just needs to be understood.
A lot of people with Aspergers have managed in life, some without ever being diagnosed. I know that one day I will have to let him go, but it's not going to be easy.
However, knowing  my son like I do it will probably be something he'll talk about and plan for a very long time. He won't be in a rush.
Why is parenting so hard?


  1. God luck with this. I suppose there is no way you can make a flat for him at your place with a separate entrance - we call them granny flats. Or a sleepout shed in the back yard? Might meet his need for independence? Cheers

  2. That would be a perfect solution, unfortunately our house is rented so no chance :-(

  3. We are not even close to that kind of decision, yet I feel afraid and I hope that some day this will happen in our family too. I don't know what will I do then and I'm sorry not to give you any reasonable advice.